Can You Work It? Lemme Work It.

So I've been trying this new thing recently where I only wear dresses to work. They're so much easier, they're more flattering, and I don't have to suffer with the thought of wearing...dress pants. Ugh. There is nothing more disgusting in this world than ill-fitted, cheap, disgusting dress pants (because you know I'm too stingy to buy nice ones) and the reality of having them dry cleaned makes my skin crawl.

So, as the entire world knows (because I find a way to insert it into every conversation), I've been riding my bike to work. This is indeed awesome, but it requires me to carry a backpack and change in the bathroom when I get to the office. The lights in the bathroom are on a sensor, so if nobody's been in there/moving around for a while, they'll turn off to save energy. Brilliant. This morning, I roll into work and for once am not completely disgusting because it's beautiful outside and I've managed to not sweat my entire face off. I'm in the stall changing into a dress that has these weird straps that run along the inside ribcage area to act as support. Very strange to me, but I'm learning. So there I am--no bra, in heels, wrestling myself into this dress--and I cannot get it on. I have tugged. I have pulled. I have prayed to the bathroom stall goddesses to zip.me.UP. But alas, I'm a little sweaty, and the material of the dress + somewhat sticky skin (professional, I know) is not happening.

So I'm like, shit shit, I'm gonna be trapped awkwardly here in the bathroom with no clothes on fml. I start spinning in circles trying to get this thing pulled up without fucking up the lining of the dress, and this goes on for about 5 minutes. Picture a dog chasing her tail, but more pathetic. Then, right when I think I've got the dress somewhat on...the lights  in the bathroom go out because I'm the only one in there and apparently not close to the sensor. FUCKKKKK so I'm like, literally half naked with a twisted dress around my nasty sweaty body flopping around in the bathroom in the dark being like, what should I do?!? So...I awkwardly open the door, half-dressed, hop out in my unbuttoned heels, and bounce my way in the direction that I hope is the sensor. I'm flapping my arms around like a mad woman and luckily the bathroom goddesses answer my prayers and the lights come on and I can hop back to my stall before someone comes in to see this spectacle.

Luckily, there's a happy ending and I finally got the dress on after some creative adjusting and some serious heaving and a lot of sweat-wiping. Basically, my life is a joke right now.

Anyway. Dressing yourself can be difficult, but I don't back down to a challenge...even if it's a challenge that the least competent two-year-old could achieve.

Buh...