Accessorize Yo-self

I want a bunch of these, s’il vous plaît.

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With cute cute Moroccan sheets.
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Hello robin's egg chandelier.
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Aren't these random spoon thingys super cute? They are. Just agree with me.
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Oh my gahhh it's getting warm enough for this!!! Legs! Glitter pumps!! Hooray!
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Joy to the mofo world, spring is here!

O pioneers!

Mega blissful.
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Isn't this an awesome table setting? I saw a website randomly online about a group of people who get together and form huge, winding, loooong tables in the middle of fields and serve only foods that have been grown and prepared on the ground where they're eating. All the pictures were awesome and I'm a tard for not saving this site. Hmph.

Oh well, here's one picture that I thought looked divine:

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LOOK AT THOSE PILLOWS! and that super cool sketch behind the bed. And the flowers. Oh yum, I will gobble this up.
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So I found this badass photographer/lady on etsy [sara norris] who takes allll kinds of holga-y pics. I am in love. I want to order one (or two) but I can't decide which ones I like more...I like the yellow in this one. It makes up for Tuesday blahhhsssss...

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... in vain, I have struggled. it will not do. my feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.

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...and Simultaneously Rejoicing

http://www.collegiatetimes.com/stories/15278/dont-tolerate-hate-at-tech

I Am Currently Vomiting...

Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell will be the speaker at Virginia Tech’s spring commencement.

University officials say McDonnell will deliver the address to the Class of 2010 on May 14 in Lane Stadium.

The selection of McDonnell continues Virginia Tech’s 20-year tradition of inviting new Virginia governors to deliver the commencement address. The Republican became Virginia’s 71st governor in January after serving as the state’s attorney general.

-- Associated Press

By Monica Norton March 24, 2010; 8:42 AM ET
Categories: Virginia

I Don't Feel Like Being Clever and My Boyfriend is Real Cute and Why Am I So Into Pink Recently?

Pretty pretty.

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Hearts and flowers and love and stuff.

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Another awesome mirror.
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Saw this on Design Sponge today. Obsessed with the headboard.

Grossed out by the rat dog and rat dog sweater.
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Dumb as a doorknob. But this one's purty cute.
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Pants-Pooping Excitement!!

I want to be in this picture ASAP:
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Look at those greys! And blushes! And the curved spouts! And that effing mirror!!
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Ugh, or this one!! The chandelier! The floor-to-ceiling curtain! The silvery wallpaper! Oh dear, serious heart palpitations...

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This one's next. Look.At.The.Ceiling. Lovess it! And those huge windows are making me feel very excited...shag rug, delish white sitting chair, and ginormous mirror seriously not helping...
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Ok, so it's pink, whatevs, but the molding/paneling/whatevs it's called is saweet too. Plus, digging the blinds.

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I think I need to go digging in the woods to uncover old buckets/jars/pitchers, then align them on a rusty old table and plop a flower/some bath beads to feel seriously at home. Trashy chic hells to the yes.
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Ok, enough of that. These aren't even my favorite bathrooms. Just a little Friday fav action for you. Thank god it's the end of the week...if only spring would decide to return and I could continue wearing flops/tanks and fantasizing of quitting my job and running off to an island somewhere. That would be oh-so nice right about now. BUT exciting, finger-crossing news: ultra light natty blonde coming my way! Tonight! 7:00/8:00 Eastern Time.
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Can NOVA handle it? Only time will tell...
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(an emaciated version of Me, circa 4 hours from now. Hiphiphappyfriday!)

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And Now for a Tour of My Future Abode...

Conveniently located in Keswick, VA, for the reasonable price of $2.1M. I'm not asking a lot, really, and I've been eyeing this place since I was literally three years old. Therefore, I deserve it. Check it.
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Sigh, she is perfection.
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Ok, for some education: the next pictures are from other places in the neighborhood (literally, same road) and because this is my dreamworld, I'm allowed to hand-pick exactly which kitchen, view, and accessories I would like to go with the above estate. Follow closely.

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Here is the view from my hot air balloon that circles the perimeter of the farm:

Not too shabby.
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Here's how a typical morning begins from my front porch where I sit with fresh coffee, a warm pastry, and the day's newspaper (with Uli by my side, duh).

Just a vineyard, no biggie.
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Oh, by the way--here's the kitchen where I'll prepare said coffee/pastry. Hello copper pots, you're looking lovely this morning. Thank god I'm awesome enough to own you. Word random Buddha sculpture.

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Yawn, viewing my winery gets a bit boring. Guess I'll see what's happening on the other side of my fucking amazing doors/windows/foyer. Oh--another spectacular view? Who would have thought?

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Here's where I'll slumber in my master bedroom (Ok, so this is from Elle Decor, but whatevs, it's awesssommee)!

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And clearly, you're all invited. Even in the bedroom. Well, some of you.
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Next up: what you'll find in my barn (and bathroom). Get excited beehas!

Looks Like I've Got a Date With This Girl Over the Weekend...

...it's been so long. Bring it on, Ultra Light Natty Blonde.

Bring.It.On.

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Literally Doing Everything in My Power to Will This Bitch On Sale...

...and nothing's working.

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How incredibly rude. I need her. She is beautiful. But not for $148. No freakin way.

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However, I did manage to convince these to drop from $80 to $40.

Still holding out for $20...

Overheard in the Elevator...

(true mofo story)

Setting:

• Elevator -- floors P5 through 8, then 11.

Characters:

• Corporate Whore #1: Overweight, middle-aged white man; leather bag
• Corporate Whore #2: Balding middle-aged white man; worn loafers; Venti Starbucks cup
• Corporate Badass: Too-cool-for-this elevator, underpaid, creative, stunningly attractive blonde girl; to-die-for leather bag; chandelier earrings; sunglasses; strategically placed corporate heels, dress, and bangles; Coco Mademoiselle perfume.

Badass breezes through doorway, presses elevator button. Cooly removes shades, adjusts purse, and waits for the doors. Bell dings. Doors open. Badass enters elevator, flashes pearly whites at Corporate Whores #1 and #2. Doors shut and elevator begins ascent to eighth floor.

Corporate Whore #1. : So I took the car out this weekend. Had the top down. It was great.

Corporate Whore #2 : Oh yeah? Yeah--looks like you got some sun. Nice! How's the car treating you? Still loving it? Corporate Whore #1 glances at Badass to see if she's impressed. She's not.

Corporate Whore #1 : Oh yeah, love it--but I'm thinking of trading it in, going for the upgrade.

Corporate Whore #2 : You goin' with another Beamer?

Corporate Whore #1 : Oh definitely--I'd be stupid not to. Great cars, great cars. I'm thinking of the M5 or M6... beautiful machines.

Corporate Whore #2 : Oh yeah, they're fantastic--I've had three and loved every one. Got my wife the M6 Convertible a while back... she loves it. Takes sip from Venti cup. Scowls and appears displeased with the taste of overpriced coffee hitting his lips. Badass continues to creep the other side of elevator, clearly annoyed.

Corporate Whore #1 : Oh I bet she does, he heeee emits creepy old-man laugh

Corporate Whore #2 : Emits equally creepy chuckle. Corporate Whore #2 glances at Badass, invoking an eye roll so serious it could be considered a small seizure. Elevator dings (finally). Corporate Whores #1 and #2 exit elevator, but not before feeling the unspeakable satisfaction of thinking they've impressed a younger, completely unattainable catch of a woman with small talk of douchebag foreign cars and inflated paychecks.

Badass: *sigh*

Doin' the Wrong Thing...

...by Kaki King. Listen to it. So so good...

Teensy bit obsessed with this pic.

That's all.

Love,

Me.

Are You There Follower? It's Me, Your Idol.

Apparently I have one follower.

Who are you??

Do I know you?

Is it you, Delaney?

Name yoself, fool.

Ok, I had another night of weird dreams but I REMEMBER them this time, so I'm writing them down to share.

I dreamed that I was in a tattoo/piercing parlour with Stephen and Matt and we were all getting drunk and pierced and tattooed in weird, impossible places. Like, I got my tongue, lower back, and feet pierced (somehow) and Steve got this huge nasty tattoo on his arm of Starry, Starry Night that he apparently let Matt tattoo on him...and it came out looking like some bullshit.

<-- It looked way worse than this.

..but not as bad as this. -->

(Hopefully she's not my follower.)

My back piercing was really hurting/irritating me so I had this big biker guy help me get it out, but the only way to remove it was to take a mini chainsaw and saw the metal away from my skin. BUT the piercing was so strong that even the mini chainsaw was no match for it--plus, I could feel it hurting in my dream. Lame. The biker guy even sprayed my back with some kind of numbing spray, but it didn't work and I could still feel him chainsawing away.

Also, I wasn't used to my new tongue ring and it kept clinking against my teeth/I kept mini-choking on it and it was terrible but it hurt too much to take out. It was like when I dream about choking on my retainer. God, I'm a freak. Plus, I couldn't walk around because in my drunken state I had asked to have my feet pierced, so the little ball piercings were sticking out everywhere and not letting me walk.

It was horrible. Points for wierdness. Yesssss!

What she said.

Kleenex and Wedding Bells--sexy!

Tonight Cody and I are going on a real date. Like, dinner, movies (at a theater!! that's not $4!), walkin', talkin', smoochin' date. How sweet. Well, more like how snotty, considering we're both filled with more henious bodily allergy fluids than should be humanly possible. We'll be that incredibly endearing/disgusting couples in the theater, sniffing and snorting our asses off. So romantic!
Meanwhile, I'm here planning my dear old friend Sara's bridal shower. Holy shitballs do I have marriage on the brain. Now I understand why wedding planners charge the big bucks. There are so many minute details that no one should ever care about (font size, color, shape...the lining of envelopes...the color of place mats...which way the toilet paper should fold...) but clearly I obsess over. I want this shit to Look.Good. Like, real good. Thank God I have Secret Power #1 aka My Mama--Master of Everything Creative. I'm serious, the woman's pores are clogged with creativity.

Anyway. Hopefully the majority of my weekend will be spent sitting in a chair like this:

or snuggling up with one of these:

or chillin like this hot-mess of a broad, tan lines and all (although I'm not sure if she's dead or alive...I'm hoping alive, for my sake/weekend plans at least):

It's supposed to monsoon like a water buffalo all weekend, and as far as I'm concerned, if it's not snow--BRING IT! Oh, it's already been brought-un or something.

Ok wellll if you're bored or lame or really just plain awesome like me, I suggest you check out the following mofos:

• Kate Nash
• Kate Walsh
• Katie Perry. Just joking, she's a horrible disgrace of a womanbeing. This is one girl she'll never kiss, cherry chapstick or not.

Ok. Back to work fml blah gtg xoxxo acronyms bye.

You Said I Must Eat So Many Lemons, 'Cause I Am So Bitter

Feeling sickie and listening to the Benjamin Buttons soundtrack.
Also, eating Utz Sour Cream & Onion chips...best remedy out there...

She's almost as baller as Tea Latte Lady. Almost.

But not quite.



"All Is Vanity"
Going in my bathroom as soon as I'm cool enough to live by myself again.

So Incredibly Ready for the Summertime

Looking forward to:
Green grass, sunshine, jorts, cookouts, pizza nights, sprunched ultra light natty blonde!!, bronze skin, midnight bike rides through graveyards, new Toms, Van Morrison mixed CDs, fresh flowers, bare feet, iced coffee, sunroofs, visits to Ritas, New/James River lounging, Blue Moon splurges, big shades, Paul Simon therapy seshs, Juicy Tomato nail polish, front porch swings, starry starry nights, A Man/Me/Then Jim, and, obviously, Wine mofo Fridays.

..officially moving to Asheville...



..with this as my mudroom...



...while somehow having cherry trees in my backyard...



...and chillin on this adorbs stoop.

Come join!