A typical day in my new life as Hannah: Professional Editor/Hole-Punch Extraordinaire has become painfully predictable and ultimately dominated by...acronyms. Yes, that's right--acronyms. Gone are the days of naughty fiction, sweet poems, and delicious memoirs. Now, everything I read ends up looking a little something like this:
"PMS would like to ensure that the FRP CO IPM reads well with COR's INGR in accordance with SP4080. In addition, we will accomplish RFP in the EQS using WMS system infrastructure. The BDO requires GFE and DTWC support to comply with DILA PQ."
How thrilling! What is that?! It rivals a Speak and Spell. To find definitions for these illusive abrevs, I'm supposed to refer to the ever-handy PMS Style Guide (yawn) or www.acronymfinder.com, which provides some hilarious alternatives to some very serious terms.
For example, today I was looking up the definition for NSOF. Naturally, I assumed the correct spell out is NOAA Satellite Operation Facility; however, I was very, very tempted to insert the more descriptive, colorful definition (in this case, NSOF = Not So Old Fart). Now that's a proposal I'd kick up my heels to read.
So, in honor of thee acronym, I have a Top 10 List.
Follow closely.
10. BARF: Best Available Retrofit Facility or Books Are Really Fun
9. MEB: Management Examination Board or Maximum Expected Burp
8. HTML: Hypertext Markup Language or How To Make Love
7. SWAK: Shallow Water Active Kit or Sealed With A Kiss
6. JPS: Joint Processing System or Just Plain Stupid
5. MSM: Marine Safety Manual or Men who have Sex with Men
4. VD: Voluntary Departure or Venereal Disease (see Figure above)
3. GMWAS: Guaranteed Minimum Withdrawal Benefit or Gag Me With A Spoon
2. SN: Secretary of the Navy or Saucy Nipples
and, my favorite,
1. POAS: Psychological Operations Automated System or Poop On A Stick.
C'est la vie. FML.
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