Battle in the Basement

A few nights ago, our house was under attack by a vicious, merciless creature hell-bent on ruining lives and wreaking havoc across all of Vintage Place. It was a dangerous time in the basement of sin... but luckily we had our camera at the ready to document the terrifying event.

Rated R for Language, Violence. 

Unfortunately, no crickets were harmed in the making of this production. 

Escaping the Cross-Hairs of Crazy

Back to the boondocks as fast as my feet and heart and soul can carry me...

One Day, the Internet Will Kill Us All

Today I got to work and there was an ominous sign posted to the wall stating there was a major power outage in Herndon and ALL SYSTEMS WERE DOWN AND OUTLOOK'S NOT WORKING AND WE CAN'T ACCESS ANY INFORMATION AND WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!

Now, most people in my office took this...badly. Screaming, cursing, sweating, ulcer-creating madness consumed the whole floor and reeked havoc to all in its path. However, I found this information as a source of comfort and relief--it guaranteed my morning of sitting around, reading my book, and catching up on what I do best: looking busy while crafting in my journal, writing to friends, and otherwise performing non-work-related tasks. Brilliant!

Sigh, life is rough.

I went to lunch with J + S and we pondered the idea of how much we "depend" on the Internet/cell phones/TV/technology, and how much better we would be without it (ironic that I'm musing about this via blog post? Meh). Anyway. I want to go back to the days of no TV in my house, negative cell phone obsessions, splotchy Internet connections, and more time with friends and lovers. I need a job "in the field" where I can rock some serious jorts, play in the dirt, and hold actual conversations that don't involve bitching about work (or discussing work in general). Let's get on that, people!

In the meantime, please observe this ridiculous birthday card that one of our graphic designers crafted me yesterday. When I first noticed the ribbon in the sun's hand, I was like, "Wha?" and it was quickly explained that the blue ribbon represents my love for the one and only, Pabst Blue Ribbon. Love it! Is it good, bad, or obscene that my entire office knows how much cheap beer my friends and I consume? Whatever. Living my life, god dammit! Plus, I'm rocking a VT shirt so you know I'm lookin' fly.

Booking hotels for bachlorette festivities...counting down the days till O'Keefe's blissful union (and post-wedding debauchery a la Wintergreen Resort!)

xoxo,

Hannah

So Full I Could Die.

So today we had our farewell lunch for Agatha at Morton's Steakhouse. Let me just say that I am more full than I have ever been and have never seen a bill as large as ours. Also, fun fact: our CEO has a personal, mahogany wine safe with his name encrusted on the front that you see right when you walk in the door. Makes me wanna vom a little.

They personalized the menu--fancy pants class-style.

Almost everyone got gigantor pieces of steak--basically small calves on their plate. I know it's probably blasphemous to go to a steakhouse and order seafood, but I could not handle the bloody juices flowing in my face. Sickkkk.  Whatever, my shrimp + scallops were pretty amazing. 

Oh, and there were pies. And cakes. And hot chocolate molten lava brownie sundaes.

There is warm chocolate oozing cake inside this baby. With homemade ice cream. Die.

Oh, a cappuccino? Why not.
PS--these are the same cups/saucers that I got from the O Mansion with Alex!! Ours are with blue saucers though. Much trendier...

Working his way through the monster...slowly.

Bahh sads to see Agatha go. Long may she rock.

*Total Bill: $1,073 + amazeballs tip. I am not joking.  wtf wtf wtf wtf wtfffffffffffffffff

Shit Is Getting Real

Mostly just peeved I can't be glutenous and drink 916ml of

Soy Toffee Nut Misto.

I have an iron stomach.

America...fuck yeah.

Sunday Bloody Sunday

It's Sunday and I'm at work. Again. And I've been here since 7:30am.

Kills me.

This calls for one thing, and one thing only.

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Heavy Drinking

(while donning fab fur hat)

That is all. Happy weekend.

My So-Called Life.

Today we had a pig roast at work. Well, kind of at work. At Vint Hill. Which is like some Top Secret, out-in-the-boonies, random STG place where they store tanks and guns and shit.

Why a pig roast you might ask? Obviously, we cannot do anything at this company unless it revolves around some sort of massive food intake/dead animal ritual/obnoxious display of excess.

The only thing weirder than a roasting rump in Fall was the 12 year-old Hispanic priest that came with the CEO's family to say "grace" for everyone...except he speak-a-no-english and someone had to translate for him...except he was talking really fast and she couldn't listen and interpret at the same time...and it was aaaaawwwkkkkwaaarddd to say the least.

So, we did what we do best.

We feasted.

On this:

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Ain't got nothin' on my mama's recipe...

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Enjoy!

The Old Man Is Snoring

It is a drizzly grey day in Northern Virginia, but that means I get to rock my raincoat and sip tea till my heart's content. I finally moved my flowers inside, and now our front stoop is butt naked bare. I'm thinking pumpkins, I'm thinking wreaths, I'm thinking I need some serious decorations for this piece.

In the meantime, I will be daydreaming about this:

Roosters and long walks through the woods with my walkin' stick.
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Anthropologie living rooms.

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Wild and crazy manes and warm fall fashion.

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Weathered hardwoods and cool sunlight.

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Adorbs bedside ladders and hand-picked flower arrangements.

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THESE BOOTS. love.
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Any and all of these pillows all over my face.

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Entryway to the heavens, sigh.

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Meow, who wouldn't want to snuggle with that?!?

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Splash in da puddles.

xoxo, Hannah

Hey Hey What Can I Do?

The art of losing isn't hard to master;

so many things seem filled with the intent

to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster

of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.

The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster;

places, and names, and where it was you meant

to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! My last, or

next-to-last, of three loved houses went.

The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,

some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture

I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident

the art of losing's not too hard to master

though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

-Elizabeth Bishop

.................

I'm going on sabbatical for a while. I have nothing good to say, so I won't say anything at all.

Long, Crazy, Cup o' Soup! Labor Day Weekend

This.weekend.was.intense. The dear and fabulous Ms. Alex M came down from Noho to grace us with her presence/celebrate her big 2-3 birthday! I feel like we were running around all weekend. From missed flights via Southwest, to picnics on the Mall, to buying $1 cups and saucers from the OMansion, to shot-shot-shotshotshots at Dans, to ramblings with drunkidy drunk drunk old men on the AU bus, to random crying outbursts followed by quick rallying, to getting punched in the face by a crazy unknown, to gorging on JumboSlice, to fighting with irate cab drivers, to lounging "poolside," to creating The Magic View, to listening to Delaney's hi-larious new roommate babble on about Mawwllllnayyy things, to battling obnoxious waiters at Coastal Flats, to baking midnight Hokie cupcakes, to getting dressed really fast then waiting four hours to drive to FedEx, to beer-can crushing, to Relay games, to 2-mile walks to the metro, to finally buying a Smartrip card, and to celebrating the glorious and fantastic Virginia Tech--long may they choke. 

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Beautiful building downtown

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The lovely Delaney Rose in all her splendor.

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Alex! visiting from the oh-so-cool Noho, Mass.

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Me, baking in the sunshine.

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The perfect pic, really.

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Cheesin.

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Dupont escalator to the heavens.

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Welcome to the OMansion. Strangest place in literally all the world. But, it was filled to the BRIM with chandeliers, vintage Dior hats, teacups, creepy stuffed things, a log cabin room, and secret doors galore.

Round up the prostitutes, this place is the shit!

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Fabulous, dahhling.

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"Coffee is through the Secret door to the Lighthouse." Obviously.

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Meow. Freakin obsessed with whatever this thing is.

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One of the many sink in this piece. In all it's 80s glory.

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Blurry beer stein for Cody!

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Wild, hanging, man-butterfly instrument player. Above a lion-footed pool table. Seriously, I'm not doing this place justice.
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Ok, so there was this bathtub that was set on a platform and to get into it you have to pull this hidden spiral staircase out of the wall, climb up the stairs, and jump on in. I was impressed.

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Alex approved of the bidets. Awk.
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THEN after allll that, we made orange and purple (i.e., maroon) cupcakes for the tailgate. Delicious!!

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On the way to see the Hokies play!! Well, not really. On the way to chug beer, obvi.

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Overall, twas a lovely and long weekend filled with great friends, good times, and drama.drama.drama. I feel it deserves another 3 days to recover.

Love these girls in all their sparkly Hokie glory!!

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Happy Tuesday,

Hannah

Breaking Mofo News!

After weeks and weeks--and, ok, months--of sleeping on the floor/foam/mattress pad, I got a bed!! Thank god. It only took two trips to Ikea and three mind changes before I settled on das Aspelund (which sounds kind of dirty, but I likey anyway). Here's how it went down.

1. After weeks of begging and pleading and convincing Cody that a trip to Ikea wouldn't be that bad, he caves/graciously "grants me permission" and we head to Woodbridge on a Saturday afternoon. Along with everyone else in Northern Virginia.

2. I went into the whole deal saying, eff it--I'm buying the cheapest piece of crap I can find ($49) and putting it under my mattress and calling it a day.
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3. We find said 'cheapest piece of crap,' and unfortunately that's exactly what it was. I change my mind and decide to upgrade to the next-cheapest piece of crap. 

4. Enter Aspelund.

 

It's pretty cute, right?? Plus, I'm pumped because it's faux wood so I'm like, duh, I can paint that shit and life will be grand. 

So.

5. We go downstairs to buy this thing and it won't fit in my car. Eff my life eff my life eff my life. 

6. Frustration abounds, plus we're hungry, so we give up in mild defeat and hit up Red Robin where we're served by a lady I know was high on meth and/or crack.

Fast forward to last night!! I get off work! My knight in shining armour comes riding up on his CRV ready.to.go!

We drive back to Ikea. We go inside. We (quickly) browse the other beds just to make sure this is the one I want. It is. We go downstairs. I smash my finger in the process of purchasing. I don't care. We load it in the CRV and it fits! It fits!

Now, this whole time I've been all, 'what if we can't put it together,' 'the instructions don't have any words on them,' 'I'm incompetent,' 'I can hardly build a PBJ sandwich.' Obvi, these were stupid thoughts because WE CONQUERED IKEA BOOYAHHH and set this beeha up just in time for bed and it is looking good.

Here is my bedspread (this isn't my bed, duh, just a little visual action for you. Real pics to follow later..?maybe.)

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So in conclusion, may I please remind you that it does not say RSVP on the Statue of Liberty! Woah, just joking.


But seriously, in conclusion, I'm so pumped to no longer be sleeping on the floor like the sketchy fool I am but instead to have this cutie to slumber in for the rest of the year. Thanks Cody, you're the best, duh!

Rainy Day Wishlist/Eff My Life

Today I Am Irritated Because: My stomach/whole front is wickedly sunburned because I'm an idiot and got all overconfident from my beach escapades and thought my whiteness could handle the sun's deadly rays for more than 20 minutes. I was wrong. So, I'm currently rotting in my cube, pants unbuttoned because the buttons are digging into my chubby-old-lady meat/sunburned skin and causing serious discomfort.

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effmylife.
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Also, I am irritated because I was repeatedly told last week that I would be able to leave early today (as in, 12:00), but here I am, still doing nothing because evil boss is in evil mood and therefore, cannot be approached without margarita in hand as a peace offering. Effmylife.

I'm over it.

It's raining outside and the perfect time for me to create this week's wishlist. I mean, my wishlists are pretty everlasting, seeing how I rarely buy this practical shit and usually go for the way less rational/fun purchases. But whatever. Here we go.

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I want wooden hangers. I know, it doesn't seem like much. But I love them. I went to Tysons this weekend to look at the going-out-of-business sale at Martin and Osas and got a bunch of wooden pants hangers for $.50 each!!! Crazy town! I loaded up and fulfilled my goal/wish a teeny bit.
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For as long as my nerdy heart has existed, I have craved a label maker. Yes, I just said it. But come on, the undying ability to name every tiny thing in your possession?? Goosebumps galore. This bad boy has been calling my name for like evah, but it's $30!!EEEKgodimcheap.

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-I'm a lot a bit obsessed with the giant print in this picture. I've googled and googled and googled away, but to no avail. Can't find it. Love it. Would be perfect in any and every room.

**UPDATE: Photograph by Francisco Costa!!!**
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Ok, so here's the deal. While I'm in the dreaded Tysons, I stop in at Williams-Sonoma to see of they have the yogurt maker I've been dying to get.

~Go in, ask lady, look at the display, no yogurt maker.~

This is Tysons for Christssake. Aren't they supposed to be the holy grail of everything consumer driven?? Apparently not. So anyway, lady tells me she can order it for me free of charge and I can pick it up later. Eff that, I work two seconds from the WS in Reston, I'll just get it there. LONG STORY SHORT I call the Reston WS and they're all, 'we don't carry that anymore' and 'if you have it delivered you'll still have to pay shipping' and 'blahblah we're incompetent.' So. I got on Target's website. And find the same brand, different model for $20 cheaper. Suck it WS.
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Anyway. I also am feeling this cute little chandelier, even though I'd have to rig up my own light and it's from Urban Barfitters, but I think it's cute. Dig the colors. Like the flow. Meh.
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Whatever, hopefully I'm outta here soon and can lie in my own misery as I squirt Aloe all over my body. Take that mental picture and run with it if you dare..

xxx, me