Overheard in the Elevator...

(true mofo story)

Setting:

• Elevator -- floors P5 through 8, then 11.

Characters:

• Corporate Whore #1: Overweight, middle-aged white man; leather bag
• Corporate Whore #2: Balding middle-aged white man; worn loafers; Venti Starbucks cup
• Corporate Badass: Too-cool-for-this elevator, underpaid, creative, stunningly attractive blonde girl; to-die-for leather bag; chandelier earrings; sunglasses; strategically placed corporate heels, dress, and bangles; Coco Mademoiselle perfume.

Badass breezes through doorway, presses elevator button. Cooly removes shades, adjusts purse, and waits for the doors. Bell dings. Doors open. Badass enters elevator, flashes pearly whites at Corporate Whores #1 and #2. Doors shut and elevator begins ascent to eighth floor.

Corporate Whore #1. : So I took the car out this weekend. Had the top down. It was great.

Corporate Whore #2 : Oh yeah? Yeah--looks like you got some sun. Nice! How's the car treating you? Still loving it? Corporate Whore #1 glances at Badass to see if she's impressed. She's not.

Corporate Whore #1 : Oh yeah, love it--but I'm thinking of trading it in, going for the upgrade.

Corporate Whore #2 : You goin' with another Beamer?

Corporate Whore #1 : Oh definitely--I'd be stupid not to. Great cars, great cars. I'm thinking of the M5 or M6... beautiful machines.

Corporate Whore #2 : Oh yeah, they're fantastic--I've had three and loved every one. Got my wife the M6 Convertible a while back... she loves it. Takes sip from Venti cup. Scowls and appears displeased with the taste of overpriced coffee hitting his lips. Badass continues to creep the other side of elevator, clearly annoyed.

Corporate Whore #1 : Oh I bet she does, he heeee emits creepy old-man laugh

Corporate Whore #2 : Emits equally creepy chuckle. Corporate Whore #2 glances at Badass, invoking an eye roll so serious it could be considered a small seizure. Elevator dings (finally). Corporate Whores #1 and #2 exit elevator, but not before feeling the unspeakable satisfaction of thinking they've impressed a younger, completely unattainable catch of a woman with small talk of douchebag foreign cars and inflated paychecks.

Badass: *sigh*