WARNING: I look abused and hideous in the following post. Get ready.

So last Friday I had one of the worst days of my life, like, evah. It started out just like any other day. Got up, showered, makeup, hair, fa la la, went downstairs to make my lunch. As I was washing my dirty dishes, I started feeling really weird--as in, serious deja-vu weird and not in the good Beyonce way.

Fast forward who knows how much later, and I'm on the kitchen floor sitting next to the fridge with a busted head, lip, and tongue, going, 'durrrrrrr....how did I get here??' I see a little puddle of blood from my lip on the floor and have the good sense? to clean it up ASAP and toss the evidence in the trash. Genius.

So, here I am, a somewhat-passed-out-coming-to mofo, and I manage to walk myself upstairs to where Cody is in a deep and happy slumber, unaware of my ridiculous swooning spell downstairs. I wake him up and I'm like, "Cooooodddyyyyyyy whhhhaaaaatttt haaaapppppeeeeennnnneeddddd???" with my bloody lip looking nasty and my goose-egg head smelling of serious abuse.

Being the quick-thinking morning person that he is (ha) he throws on some clothes and puts me in a new shirt and drives me to the ER where they take all sorts of tests on my brain to see what the heck is going on.

*The following graphics may not be suitable for [any] viewers.*

-

-

Don't be fooled, I'm a clumsy oaf.

-

-

And an attractive one, too.

Durrr.

-

-

RIP nose piercing, how rude of them to make me take you out.

-

-

Okok, a bit dramatic, whatevs.

-

-

Knight in shining armour? Obvi!!

Honda Odyssey to the rescue!

-

-

Ok, so after my eventful trip to the hospital and a $150 co-pay later (FML!!!!), I'm home recovering and sitting peacefully on the deck. Emily comes home and I'm like, you have GOT to hear about my day! so I begin telling it, being sure to overdramatize the entire process, when suddenly a bee flies right by my face. I take my hand to swat the bee away, but in my idiotic state, I SWAT THE BEE DIRECTLY IN MY EYE WHERE IT STINGS ME ON THE EYEBALLL GODDDDDDDDDD!!!!! So I never get to finish my story because I'm in the process of losing an eyeball/rinsing it out/hating my life.

-

-

One busted bitch.

-

-

So there's my Friday.

-

One concussion and bee sting later,

I'm ready for a margarita.